I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
