I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got inside last night via doggy door
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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