Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
