She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
