I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
