if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
