He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
