Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
