i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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