my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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