i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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