That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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