we're chasing vodka with high fives
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
