how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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