No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
sex in a hospital.. check
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
