oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
did you just send me my own nude
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
