i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
