it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
