You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
