Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is the high leading the old right now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
