My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would ride that face into the sunset
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
