What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
