he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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