just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
