That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
