I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
