Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
