he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
