If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She told me I should be a condom model.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
