Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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