and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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