so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
