I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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