Porn is love you can see.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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