i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
