he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
