I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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