her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
