he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
