I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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