you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
