Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
