I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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