we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
