He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
