Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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