she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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