Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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