So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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