He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
