better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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