Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
