You know, be my cock's hype man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
