I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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