I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
