new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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