Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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