I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
