are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
