that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
