We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
