Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
