you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
