I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michael Bay diarrhea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a beard to bite.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
