Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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