Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
